Dracula's Scapula (kcmck) wrote in hpv,
Dracula's Scapula

The Waiting Game...

I've been following this community since I was diagnosed the first time with dysplasia back in 2006 and while this community seems to be a ghost town nowadays, I don't know where else to turn to express my disappointment with the fact that cryotherapy did not adequately treat my dysplasia and almost a year later, it's still there.  I'm supposed to follow up with a colposcopy now to see to what capacity the dysplasia is still there or if it's different dysplasia that's better or worse than what was treated last year.  My heart is really breaking and I am so sick and tired of this bullshit.  Furthermore, it seems like the process of more in-depth diagnosis and possible treatment has an unacceptable turnaround time where I go.  Usually it's a month and a half before they can fit me into the schedule for the colposcopy and then another month and a half before they can treat my dysplasia if need be.  And after being through this so many times already, I no longer have the emotional strength to wait that long.  There are way too many "what ifs" running through my mind.  What if the initial cryotherapy having not worked allowed for the dysplasia to become worse?  Or what if it actually was more severe than what the colposcopy showed and there's no way to have known because I opted for the cryotherapy instead of the LEEP?  What if it's a different area of dysplasia that is worse?  What if I go for my follow-up colposcopy and they can't find the dysplasia through normal means because the transformation zone is now hidden by scarring and I end up having to have a cone biopsy?  I can't stand it anymore.  I'm sick to my stomach and have no motivation to do anything but glue myself to the couch and sleep all day.    
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