overanalyzeher (overanalyzeher) wrote in hpv,

living with HPV..

i'm so very glad to have stumbeled upon this community after recently being diagnosed with HPV.  i thought i was alone and although i'm not happy other people have it as well, i am happy that other people understand what it's like to go through this. 

i'd like to share my experience and questions. so far no one except my boyfriend and mom know, (and the doctor obviously.) i didn't tell any of my friends, thus having made this new livejournal account so they couldnt see that i joined the community.

some history...
i'm 20 years old, female. i've been having sex since i was about 15 years old. after i lost my virginity i had my mom take me to the gynocolgist for check ups. over the years i would go and get paps and STD tests, and all of my check ups have came out normal.  i've had sex with 6 guys total, and i'm on birth control.  out of the 6 guys, 3 of them i have not used condoms with because they were long term boyfriends. ( note: ALL these partners were boyfriends, no one night stands.) 

so i've been with this boy for about 6 months.  before we had sex i asked him of his sexual history and he said he had been with 8 or so girls, but none of them seemed to be "dirty."  i told him that i've been tested several times and i always came up clean with no problems.  so after a while, we started having sex without condoms. (note im on birth control also.)  as usual after every person i have sex with i like to go and get tested to make sure everything is fine. i got the pap and test for stds, called back a week later for the results. the conversation went something liek this..

"alright so your test results.. no clamydia, gonorrhea or any other stds came up
on the test.. your pap was perfectly normal."
"okay great!"
"well, however, you did test positive for HPV."
"wait so.. i have hpv?"

it was then i started hysterical crying and pacing around my room.

"wait, so, i could end up with cervical cancer?"
*sigh*  "well right now the virus is dormant in your body, it could remain that way for a while. just come back every 6 months for a pap test."
"okayy..." *crying*
"if you take all of your friends and put them in a room together more than half of them will have HPV i guarantee, probably without even knowing it. it's very common these days."

the conversation ended shortly after that. although the doctor was nice on the phone, she seemed like i was over reacting.  was i perhaps? i was completely shocked and disgusted when i heard the news.

after this i had called up my boyfriend hysterical, and told him what had happened.
now, i understand you can have hpv for a while and it may not show up on tests, but i've been tested for years after having sex and nothing has ever came up at all. then after a few months of sleeping with this kid, i now have HPV, so i'm assuming that it is most likely from him.  whether it is or not, he has it either way now.

i told him this and said i wasn't sure if it *WAS* from him but that i suspected it would be. he kept apologizing and saying that he had no clue, and none of the girls he had slept with ever talked about STDS with him or brought anything up. both of us haven't told anyone besides our parents, no one in our group of friends knows in fear of ricucule.

i just felt so dirty afterwards, my entire day i was moping around and depressed.
what helped me was looking up facts online and reading about it. knowledge is power.
after reading that 8/10 women will get it in their life time and that most cases clear up on their own, i did feel a bit better.  i also read that the chance of it progressing into cervical cancer is 10% if you smoke (which i dont.), but then why would they make such a big deal about it on TV and in the media if the cancer rate is that low?

it's been a month now and i'm feeling better, sometimes i even forget that i have it. i just pray that i will stay healthy and nothing will happen.

feel free to share any stories about when you found out, i'd love to hear other peoples experiences.
how did you deal with it? how are you dealing with it now? 

also, i read that HPV can clear up on its own after 2 years?

not that i'm considering breaking up with my boyfriend anytime soon, but for possible future sexual encounters with other people, how do i break the news to them? i would be so embarassed to get to know a guy and then be like ".. by the way i have HPV." in fear of them running off. most certainly if a guy came up to me and told me that i would not want to have sex with him.

sorry for so many questions, i'm new to this and still trying to learn as much as i can. thanks <3!
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First - Bravo for actually talking about sex before having it!! I wish more people did this. Along with comprehensive STD testing before bumping naughties. (hubby and i are Polyamorous so this is 100% necessity in our world)

Next - I found out from a pap smear, and then they checked out my cervix which (to them) had an awesome smattering of HPV warts (joy) - it has some fancy latin name which means Starry Night or something.. anyway.. i had a LEEP procedure done - they scraped off layers of my cervix. Not. Fun.

Since then, about 6 years ago, i have not had any reoccurences, and i get the HPV DNA test done as well as the usual pap and that also comes back negative. Tho it may not mean i'm 100% cured, people aren't really sure. Not enough info, sadly :/ But it certainly seems that i'm Low Risk in transmitting it to others.

Hubby thought he had it (much unprotected sex between us) but he later went to a urologist for other peen issues and the urologist didn't believe he had HPV at all. ~shrug~

So - again, we're Polyamorous (multiple sweeties at a time) and safe sex is Very Important. We give people all this information when going over the Safer Sex Talk and let them research / learn / decide on their own what level of interaction to have with our bits. And basically anyone else is All Barriers All The Time.

The people that cannot handle an honest candid conversation about sex and saftey shouldn't be people you fuck any way - IMO. We've had a 50/50 rate of people who aren't overly concerned about it vs people who are OMG I'm Gonna Die concerned about it. And we create boundaries accordingly.

Good luck :) Life is not over. Honestly, out of all the possible permanent(ish?) STD's ..this would be the one i'd prefer.
Your story sounds so much like mine! I am 25 now. I started having sex very early at age 13. I was on the pill by age 14 and going for regular check ups and tests and everything was normal. In my life thus far i have had 5 partners. When i was 17 and just started college i fell in love with a boy and we started having sex. About 4 or 5 months later i had a abnormal pap. It was SOOO scary. They didn't tell me that i had HPV just that i had "pre-cancer cells" so of course my mom and i thought i was going to die and we were totally freaked. Then i went for my biopsy and they explained that it was an STD. My boyfriend was distraught because he might have been the one to give it to me. This was back a while ago (2001) and there was practically nothing out there on HPV yet. Maybe one or two websites with confusing information and always talked about warts which i didn't have.

That is why i started this community. I just knew there had to be someone out there with HPV besides me that wanted someone to talk to. It wasn't long before hundreds of members joined and i didn't feel so alone. Your doctor was very right about sticking all your friends in a room and 50% of them having it. Most people that have sex really do have it and just never know about it.

That boy and i are married now for 3 years and i am expecting our first baby! I haven't had one single abnormal pap test since 2001. The abnormal cells went away completely on their own. To be honest since i have had the same partner all along since i found out i rarely have thought much in the last few years about HPV. So i DOES get better, life does go on and you will be fine.

All that i can offer for advice on telling new partners in the future is to let them get to know you a little first, then tell them. If they are a good person and if they truly care about you they will be willing to take the risk.

good luck!
but then why would they make such a big deal about it on TV and in the media if the cancer rate is that low?

I think I read that there are 11,000 cases a year, which is very low when you consider that over a million women are either diagnosed or die from breast cancer annually. The reason there is such a big deal about it is that it can be prevented so they need to get the word out, where as with many other cancers there is no way to prevent it. It's just like with getting the word out that the risk of lung cancer can be dramatically reduced if smoking is eliminated.

I think it's important to focus on education and understanding. 8/10 of women are not dirty, are they? Neither are you, nor is any guy that has it.